Ramblings 11-17-2008

Here at the House you can go from having a really hard few days with the Littles in your room (meaning relationships are disgruntled) to having a few days of these conversations and events that keep you encouraged and make you think and this is why I am here. It honestly takes both the good times and the hard to get to that This is why I am here! moment. If there were not hard days, we would wonder why these girls are even here separated from their families and living in this intense environment.

Anyhow, shortly before the Gulf Coast Trip I had just gone through a rough spell with the girls in my room. I cannot even remember what was going on. But then right before I left it turned. I had a really good room night with my girls on Friday. I had several good conversations one-on-one with the girls in my room. I could  just see them growing. Despite this, I was just ready to leave. To be gone for a week. To let another Big deal with my girls for a week.

Also leading up to the trip, I had been feeling disconnected with my fellow Bigs. I had been struggling with the fact that the community here isn't stronger than the community that I had experienced in Korea--that was an expectation I had. Every person I have talked to who has returned to the States, at some point misses the community that they found in Korea and just finds it harder to find in the States--you have to fight for it more and even when you do...it just isn't always there. While I expected to face this same struggle upon returning to the States, I expected it to happen after my LeadTime year. I expected the LeadTime community to be different, but stronger than what I experienced in Korea. Yet, I not finding that to be true. Anyhow, shortly before I left on the Gulf Coast Trip is when I first identified that struggle for what it was.

Ready for a break from my Littles and feeling disconnected from the Bigs--this is how I went into the Gulf Coast Trip. I was really to the point where I was thinking everyone will probably be glad for me to be gone for the week. My mind on a few occasions even feared I would not be missed and that people would notice how much more peaceful the house was because I was not there or just not really even notice my being gone. I quickly put a stop to these thoughts when they entered my head, identifying them for the lies that they were--but that is  where I was when I left. Ready for the break, really longing for community, and combating lies.

Despite these feelings, please know I was also excited for the trip because I love service projects! I earned my scholarship in college because of my community service. This has always been a great love of mine, and for whatever reason I love manual labor. To this day, one of my favorite jobs was loading semi's for UPS. Some days I wish I could just go and load a semi for a week. I know that is not possible, but if I could...I would love to just do that one week for the fun of it. So yes, I was excited for our mission and what we were doing, but I was also just ready to be off property for the week.

Anyhow, we had a 13 hour trip to get to Mississippi/Louisianna. There were 5 girls going on this trip, and while we did have some good conversations, we were also quite content with a quiet car. I got lots of time to think. Normally, I will either read or sleep these long trips away. Though I did sleep a bit of the way up there, I only read a chapter or two in my book. I really just sat there and thought for a time and really contemplated and put before the Lord our community as Bigs.

The week was great. I loved cutting down trees and helping people get their yards back and just in general be a blessing to people and meeting needs. At one point for a short time, someone would throw me a log, and I would then throw it a short distance to the ground. It felt so good to throw logs! Of topic. Anyhow, I think the trip for me was about refreshment and just time to think, to connect with people, and to be encouraged. In all the thinking I did about our community here as Bigs...I really didn't come up with anything brilliant. The only thing I realized was that we have the potential for such great community, but I think we all are just tired. It is something I am going to have to fight for (more so that in Korea), but if I fight for it, the end result will be so rich. Have I figured out how to fight for it? No. But I do have a plan to at least share my heart and where I am at with my fellow Bigs. I love all my fellow Bigs. Everyone has their own part and I love the different things each person brings to the House. We really are not complete when one person is gone--we balance each other out well. So the trip just energized me to fight for relationships here. To fight for close relationships with Bigs and not allow myself to be closer to the Littles than my Sisters.

We arrived back on property Friday night around 8 pm. By the time we returned to property, I was ready to come home. While I loved the break, I missed the House. Anyhow, we came home and I ran into the house real quick to use the restroom before helping unload. When I came through the door, I got the best greeting. All three of my Littles jumped/screamed in excitement that I had returned and all got up and bombarded me with hugs and words of encouragement. Others as well, Bigs and Littles just expressed their happiness at my return. It was so awesome--especially for the girl who deep down inside, if she is being completely open and vulnerable--still was wondering if she would be missed. I was ready to be okay with this. Obviously, I have some things to work on!

Anyhow, the Lord just blessed my socks off. Not only did I have this great greeting, but Charity, one of the Little in my room who has been room grounded for awhile now let me know that she was down to 14 work hours. This means she is now only House grounded and she can get on the computer. When I left she had nearly 40 work hours and her getting down to 14 is huge.

After my awesome greeting on Friday night, I quickly packed my stuff and left property to enjoy the weekend off. The weekend off was great. House Night was at the timeshare that Emily (House Director) and I were sharing for the weekend. It was good just to reconnect with everyone and hang out after having been gone a week. I really didn't see the Bigs much on Friday, but got to see the Bigs on Saturday. When everyone first arrived, Charity pulled me aside and asked me if I would speak at her graduation. I was honored. This is honestly the one Little in my room who not that long ago I would have thought that she would leave our program in December and I wouldn't have a relationship with her despite the fact that she was my Little and we had shared a room for several months. However, in the last few weeks the Lord has really been working there and I have been amazed at where the Lord has brought. To say the least I was surprised, yet honored that she would ask me.

Between these interactions with Littles and the hugs and words of love from my fellow Bigs upon my return, He gave me what I needed to return to this place and feel ready to face the challenges of living here with renewed joy. To return with confidence that, in Him, that I have everything I need to do my job here and He has placed me here with purpose. I have an important role for me.

Sunday evening I return from my week off in jubilant spirits and ready for life at the House. I was honestly expecting a day of two of peace before I really had to deal with anything too major attitude/behaviorwise with my girls. Literally, I am not two steps in the door when Charity comes down the stairs and asks me to read this letter before going any further. I read it and it I am informed of a situation that occurred while I was gone involving my entire room. Relationships are strained. The incident happened several days before I returned from the trip but involved my shampoo. Anyhow, I won't get to the details here, but my first thought was, Welcome back to life at Shelterwood! Despite it not being my favorite thing to have to come home to, it was okay. This is what the Lord has called me too. He knows what He is doing. It yet one more thing He is going to use to produce character in us all.

If you think about it. The shampoo situation isn't resolved. Pray that as we deal with this, that true resolution of the deeper issues will happen. I don't just want to deal with the shampoo issue, but for my girls to have relationships restored at a heart level. There is distrust in my room between the three girls and for good reason. It is hard to know the truth of what really happened--not just in this situation but in past situations as well. While they/we resolve them, I am starting to wonder if they are simply patching things up but inside there are wounds and hurts they are hold close and using against each other. 

Anyhow, that is the latest on me! Also, pray for the community with the Bigs. I know it is all something we desire, but really is hard to know how to go about pursuing and knowing how to fight for it.  I have some free time tomorrow where I am hoping to write each one of them and share my heart a bit and where I am at.

Thanks for your love and support. Until next time...

Random Thoughts

For awhile now I have had a hard time identifying what the Lord is teaching me through this season. I have spent several ramblings sharing with you about my girls and various events of the day. I have not spent a lot of time sharing with you those things the Lord is doing in my heart. I am going to attempt to do a little of that now.

Throughout my life I have struggled a lot with self-esteem issues. I have spent more of my life not liking who God made me to be rather than liking it. I often wonder why God was doing when He made me and so often wonder if I am even loveable. It's not something I am proud of, and it's something that I know is a lie from the devil, but he loves to feed me the lie that I am unloveable and there isn't much that is good about my personality. And I listen a lot.

I have this tendency to go through this cycle of finding my identity in Christ and being confident in that to wondering why I couldn't have been different and really just being down with myself. Toward the end of my time in Korea and in coming to Doulos, I was in a good place. I was seeing the lies for what they were and walking in confidence in the Lord.  For this I will forever be grateful as the first month here would have been pretty terrible if I was doubting who I was.

I have this tendency to come across to people as really harsh, or mean spirited, or that all I care about is rules and don't really care about relationship. This is definitely not the truth and the one thing I long for more than anything else is to be truly known by people and accepting for who I am. This isn't true in all situations, but definitely true in work-type situations or like this year.Anyhow, when I came here, I had a bit of this again. People did not always see my heart. They don't realize why I am the way I am or even my reasoning behind the way I do things. I was okay with this. I have been in this situation before. I know that in time people will be able to see my heart and we will have a good relationship.

Despite that people are starting to see my heart and I feel like I am growing in relationships here, it is still frustrating at times. I am still content with who God made me to be. I guess the question I have been asking myself and the Lord more recently though is this, Is it possible for me to still remain who I am at the core AND appear more relational to people upon first meeting? Though I don't feel like I hold myself back, are there ways that I can risk my heart more and not be so intimidating to people?

I don't want to be known as someone who cares about rules more than relationship. I don't want to be known as someone who doesn't listen. Who doesn't care. None of these things are true, but I can see how I could come across as this way. I need people. I have had several people comment on how I seem to be my own individual and very seem very content in it. While this is true, I still desire deep relationships with other people.

I believe these are not selfish desires. It is my prayer that this year I would really learn to soften my first impression. That others would be able to see my heart from the beginning, that it wouldn't take time for people to see where I am coming from and the things that motivate me. I desire to exhibit the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. I desire to have others know that I value them and care about them. I desire to learn how to skip the initial first stage that I tend to go through with people.

I am still processing it all. I still need to take all this before the Lord and really just listen to Him to see if I am even on track on this. However, as much as I could be tempted to be discouraged by the fact that people don't get me as well, or that I come across as less loving and desirous of relationship...I have come a long way from the girl who use to be afraid to even speak in a group. Who used to be so intimidated by meeting new people, and who would literally get dizzy from my efforts to have conversations with people. I have come a long way from the girl who walked away from high school without a friend and lonely. I definitely don't have it all figured out and have some growing to do...but I guess that is why I love God's promise that I will forever be His work in progress. And one day when I see Him face to face, His work in me with complete and perfect and good. What beautiful and amazing work He does.

Anyhow, that is a very small bit about what the Lord is speaking to me. I have a lot more in my head but that will do for tonight! I am going to set the alarm and head for bed. It's  midnight. However, the beautiful thing is that once the kids are off to school...we have been given the day off (at least the time while they are at school)! Though my free time is basically, 1-3 hours a day, 10 hours a week, and 3 weekends each four months and many are like, Man you have no free time--I have so much more than you mothers out there. KUDOS to you. Your job matters. Your kids are important and even if they don't thank you know, train them up in the Lord and the way they should and one day they will bless you.

Sorry for any confusion

I am attempting to get all my old posts from my other blog onto this blog. I was having trouble the first night when I was switching everything over. I was just able to easily copy and paste my older posts into this blog. 

Apologies for the random order, but from here on out it should stay in order and archive properly. I wish I could change the publish day or oder of the posting, but I haven't figured that out yet!

Gulf Coast Trip 2008

With all that has been going on I believe I have forgotten to share with you an opportunity I have. Each November we have a serve week. This means that for 3 days the Littles are not in school and all staff and students are split into teams and they go and volunteer in the community. In addition to this, each year one team is formed that goes out to do a work project in another city.

This year we are doing a Gulf Coast trip to do hurricane clean-up in New Orleans. A team went down last year as well and we are going again this year.  I am privileged to have been invited to be a part of this team. I really wanted to go, but since only one girl Big gets to go, I had already laid it down before the Lord and was okay not going even though I really wanted to go. When Amy asked me if I would be interested in going, I was ecstatic!

I really don't have a lot of details, but will share what I know. Please feel free to be lifting us up in your prayer if the Lord brings our team to mind.

Where? Mississippi/Louisianna

When? Sunday, November 9 through Friday, November 14

Who is going? We have split our group into two teams.

Team #1

Greg (Leadtime Director)

Renee (English Teacher)

Danyel (Male Big Brother)

Boy Little #1

Boy Little #2

Myself

Team #2

Stephen (Finance Guy)

Mark (Counselor)

Amber (Female Big)

Boy Little #3

Girl Little #1

Joey (Executive Director--whatever that means)

Jeanie (Joey's Wife and works in the office)

Emily (Girl's House Director)

Chris B. (Mentor)

Basic rundown of the week is as follows:

Sunday

7 am Leave Branson

7 pm Arrive in Kiln, Mississippi

Night: Chill

Sleep: all in Kiln

Monday

Work from 8-5

Group 1 in Kiln

Group 2 in New Orleans

Night: Chill

Sleep: Group 1 in Kiln and Group 2 in New Orleans

Tuesday

Work from 8-5

Group 1 in Kiln

Group 2 in New Orleans

Night: Chill

Sleep: Everyone in Kiln

Wednesday

Work from 8-5 in Baton Rouge

Night: Chill

Sleep: Everyone in Baton Rouge

Thursday

Work from 8-5 in Baton Rouge

Night: to New Orleans

Sleep: Everyone in Baton Rouge

Friday

7 am Leave Baton Rouge

7 pm Arrive in Branson

Prayer Requests

• Unity for our group
• That we would have fun
• Travel safety
• Safety as we clean up
• That we would be a blessing to those we are serving
• For the fruit of the Spirit to be exhibited
• For those back home as we away and their serve projects

I really don't know what else to share! If you have any questions,  please leave it in the comments and I can answer it!

Disappointment

I was suppose to have the weekend off this weekend and was really looking forward to it. I have been preparing for it all week. I was really looking forward to some extended time with the Lord and really getting refreshment there. I had some practical, logistical things that I was going to do. I had plans that I was anticipating. Nothing that HAD to be done this weekend, but things I was looking forward to doing.

I just found out that due to scheduling errors, I will be unable to take this weekend off. It is so disappointing. I was really feeling like I needed the time off. Obviously, I don't. Though I really was looking forward to being able to just sit down with the Lord and think about, and listen to Him about some questions He has had on my heart...He knew this would happen. He has purpose in this. I know He will give me the spiritual encouragement/strength I need for each day without getting away with Him. Anyhow, I am just really disappointed and part of me is mad that I care so much that it had to be moved. I am crying as I am sitting here typing this just because I feel real let down.. Its okay to look forward to something and then to be sad when it doesn't happen. It's okay to feel this way though. I can feel this way as long as I don't wallow in it or spoil the opportunity to be blessed by this weekend and to be a blessing to others.

Anyhow, pray that this would just be a really good weekend. I am about to head out and spend some time with the Lord. Pray that the time would be refreshing. Pray that I will be a blessing to those around me this weekend.

Just a little about me and where I am at in this moment.

Ramblings 10-13-2008

I have so much floating through my head but will do my best to make sense and connect what I am about to share.

For the first time in my life, I am appreciating the lesson life has already taught me. I am 26 years old and been graduated for three years. On top of all of that, I have lived in a foreign country during that time. There are so many things that I learned in my three years in Korea that make living here easier. Some of my fellow Bigs are just graduated from college or only went to college for a year. I don't mean this with an "I am so much better than everyone else" attitude, but this is the first time in my life where I can see how age and life experience has its advantages. I think the Lord just knew that I would need some of the perspective that I do have in order to survive here, because despite how my "age" and "life experiences" have really helped me process and be okay with a lot of the things here....there are SOOO many other things that are a challenge. I can not even fathom what a mess I would be had God brought me here straight out of college.

Living in a houseful of 15 troubled teens and "parenting" them with 8 other people is quite a task. This job is challenging on so many levels. There are so many things about this job that are out of my comfort zone. Let me just take a moment to name a few.

• Forming relationships with Teens
• Planning activities with Teens--each night for 30 minutes we have "room time" with our Littles and then each Friday we have a room night where I have to plan something fun for us to do and most of the time it has to be free! Aigoo.
• Seeing weekly change/improvement in people. Each week I have a two page form I fill out on each of my Littles. These are questions that require me to see improvements they have made, things I am noticing, ways to encourage, etc. I have never really felt that I was good at "reading" people.
• Comforting/Empathizing with hurting people. Yeah. Normally when I try to encourage people who are hurting I don't know what to say and when I do attempt to be encouraging they end up offended. Yeah. I am not the person most people want to share there struggles with. Lots of opportunity for this.
• Not being content in my style of forming relationships. As a teacher, I was never the cool teacher or the teacher students wanted to hang out with. I longed to be able to poor into my students lives at a more personal and eternal level, but struggled to. I believe my students knew that I loved them, but so often in Korea I would compare myself to other teachers and wish I could be a little more like some of the other teachers and a little less myself.

All right so that is only five things, but all five of those things happen on a regular basis around here. These situations normally cause me all sorts of anxiety and I sort of avoid them at all cost. Here, I have no choice but to deal with the these things daily. And the greatest thing about it all is that the Lord is meeting me in these places. It's not to say that I have it all figured out, but in the moment the Lord is giving me peace and I am really just learning to immediately turn to the Holy Spirit for His guidance.

And it the five situations above, I have been okay. I have only had moments of anxiety when I think about them. He blows me away in His provision. I really look forward to room time each evening and the opportunity to connect with the girls in my room. The Lord has blessed me with ideas not only for room time, but all for room night. He just keeps giving me more. And every week when I go to fill out the forms on each of my Littles, I don't panic. There are times when a few questions are really hard to answer, but it is a great practice to reflect on what is going on and I believe through this the Lord is really going to teach me how to be more "in tune" with what is going on in people's lives and train me in questions I can ask to help me access how a friend is doing. As far as the emphatizing/encouraging hurting people--I am sure I am not great at that and I still sometimes offend in my attempts to encourage, but I see the Lord helping with this. Before I ever came to LeadTime and as I was praying about what this year was going to be about the Lord constantly brought to mind the verse about being slow to anger, slow to speak, and quick to hear. This is definitely an area I need to improve on, but I am given so many opportunities daily to grow here and am getting better.

As for the relationships with Littles. This one is so hard to gauge. An attribute that is important to me is Consistency. While for me it is one way I love people, it is not always seen that way. The heart behind my consistency is sometimes hard for others to see. There have been so many times where I have questioned the Lord if I am being too consistent, am I allowing room for grace. Then when I am really doubting myself and really think I am just messing things up, He gives some form of verbal affirmation, whether it be from other Big, a House Director, or a counselor. Then sure enough in a matter of time, I wonder again. I know I haven't introduced my three Littles to you yet, but lets just say that we have had lots of conflict already. I will share more later. It's nothing personal against me, but they are dealing with some things and it's not always pleasant. The last few weeks have been really hard as one person in my room is almost always angry/disrespectful or what I like to call "exploding". There was a time there where it was all three of them. And it's just draining. As much as I know its not against me, some of the things they say can be cruel, and just the constentness of it at times is draining. Intermixed in these times are some really incredible conversations and times where they open up to me and share things that are very personal. You just never know what you are going to get. This is just wearing. So all of this is to say that it is so hard to say how I'm doing. However, despite it all, I can see the Lord working and have been blown away by my love for these girls and their love for me. Through it all, the joys and the struggles, we are growing in our relationships with each other and its good.

I just want to share a little of God's goodness in this all and then I will leave you as my alarm will be going off in five short hours. As I mentioned above, the past two weeks in my room have been pretty bad. I think it was a week where all three of my girls were struggling with me and really thinking I was just unreasonable. While things have gotten better, there is still one girl in my room who is challenging and often rude and disrespectful and angry a lot. It's been hard. There was a particularly hard night last week with one of the girls in my room and then after it a Big called me out on some stuff and said some hard things to me. I really had to take it to the Lord and have really been putting before the Lord all my decisions in my consequencing/not consequencing and even my tones and words. I desire to know how to help the Little in my room who is just making some poor choices, but really not knowing how to do that. I have really been struggling to know if anything I have been doing is good. Is it all pointless. Am I wasting my time? What is it Lord that will motivate her? 

Tonight God used all three of the girls to encourage me. Before dinner two of my Littles shared with me their struggles with the attitudes in our room and basically shared with me that the stood up for me in front of another Little who was bashing me in front of some people. This meant a lot to me, especially since I am know they have been talking about me to each other, and not always in an honoring way. Anyhow, it was just a time where I was able to encourage them, and they SUPER ENCOURAGED me.

Later that night, the Little in my room who has been "storming" the longest broke two rules while outside. I caught her as we were walking back inside and called her out on them. I told her I wasn't sure what I was going to do to consequence her but I would get back with her. Emily, a house director, was in the living room when we came it. It was time for study hall, so my girls were in their room doing study hall while I chatting in the hall with Emily about the situation. As we were having the conversation, I thought in my head, It probably isn't good that my girls can hear this because they will someone use it against me. Anyhow, after I was done talking with Emily, I asked my Little if she would come into the hall to talk with me. She agreed. This is huge. She usually refuses to speak to me. She very respectfully listened to me and then told me she appreciated how I handled the situation. She then proceeded to tell me that she would start treating me with more respect because she knows that she should be doing that. I was blown away. I asked her why the change of heart. She basically explained to me that she heard Emily and I talking and she heard my heart behind why I was consequencing her.  So the Lord completely orchestrated the events and He reached this Little. 

I had really gotten to the point with this Little where I had no idea what to do. Nothing seemed to motivate her. So I had really spent a lot of time that morning in speechless prayer handling her and the other girls in my room to the Lord. It was all Him, as it always is. He is the one who works in the hearts of girls and makes the difference. 

The Lord is so good to me. The environment in my room in getting better. My Little was respectful to me yesterday. We have come through one more battle and are stronger for it. We still will have many more to face as a room, but the Lord is in it all and in that I take comfort.

I hope this rambling makes sense and is connected. I sometimes wonder if I should edit my Ramblings before just sending them off to you--but that probably won't ever happen. I hope that through it all you see God's hand in my life and His incredible care of me. He is my constant. My hope. My rock. The reason I can live this life joyously. He gives me all things pertaining to life.

Ramblings 10-08-2008

I posted some pictures of my fellow Bigs and the various other staff here on property. If I don't put a position in parenthesis after there name then they are a Big. Enjoy. I enjoy each and every one of the crazy people in these pictures and are blessed by them.

So much has gone on in the last month! I really need to get better at posting. I am adjusting to life here at Doulos and am loving what God has called me to. This will be really random, but I am going to share the things running through my brain! Hopefully you will be blessed.

A few days ago I got a random phone call from my sister, Alicia, letting me know that it'll work for me to visit her for Thanksgiving. I am pumped and excited about this. Then as I was looking up plane tickets I was starting to wonder how I was going to pay for. I have the money, but I don't. It'll be available in a few months. So I was already thinking about who I could ask to borrow money from. In Korea I had them withhold 20% of my paycheck each month so that twice a year I would basically get a check from them for $1000-$1200, depending on the exchange rate. It just helped me save. Anyhow, I hadn't received my last one yet and found out this week that they have sent it to the States! I just love how the Lord provided the money when I needed it.

Today was my day off. I found a car to borrow and decided to drive to Springfield for Chic-fil-a. Driving is sort of therapeutic for me, so even though its a 30-45 drive there...I figured, Why not? God is so good. Right as I was getting on the highway, my sister Alicia called and we chatted for all the way to Springfield and a little in the Chic-fil-a parking lot. We talked for an hour and it was to good to be able to connect with her.

Then as I was driving home, as I was getting on the highway again, my mother called! So I chatted with her until my cell phone battery got low. I was just tremendously blessed to be able to talk to both of them and God orchestrated the timing of the calls so well. My mother also told me when she talked to me that she talked to the Comal County voting people and has my packet coming in the mail so I could vote. This made my day. I had tried looking up how to vote as a Texas resident in Missouri but was unsuccessful. It was a really small thing, but it blessed me tremendously!

Anyhow, last night was a rough night. A friend confronted me on some things and some of it was hard to hear. I am thankful she did and God used it to kick my butt and get to realize I need to do some of the things He has been placing on my heart. If I had but listened to him, I might not have hurt my friend less and she would have known me better. Anyhow, let's just say I cried myself to sleep last night and then this morning broke down again. I was just struggling to process some of the things I heard and battling believing so of the recurring lies that Satan loves to tell me about myself. All of this is to say, that I was needing a run. So once I got back from Springfield, I put on my running shoes and ran. Such a blessing. I really need to make this a higher priority. This is only the third time I have run in the almost two months I have been here. It really helped me process and just run out some emotion.

After running, I came in and took a LONG shower. It was nice just to take a shower and not feel rushed or hurried. I really enjoyed it.

Then a little bit later, Wendy, Zach, Kyle, and I went to dinner at Macaroni Grill--I ordered the Pesto Chicken Pizza...muchisoyo! (delicious). It was some good times. I got to share a little of Korea over dinner--it felt really good to talk about it. I love sharing about my times in Korea. 

Once I got back from Macaroni Grill, I just have been watching various movies I have from my time in Korea (School report, Bungee jumping, eating octapus, Songtan dinner club, Philippines Mission Trip) and looked at pictures. Anyhow, I haven't had too many missing Korea days..but have had several this past week. I don't really wish I was there...I just wish I could drop by for the day and catch up with people in person.

Anyhow...this whole Rambling is about a bunch of little things...but all these little things are things God has used just to love on me and make my day better. His care for me is so great. I have 10 million other things I could blog about and probably will in the near future...but for tonight this is what I wanted to share.

I was suppose to have my first weekend off last weekend, but there was a scheduling conflict and my first weekend off is October 18th. I will probably blog some more then and introduce you guys to the Littles in my room and some of the other things the Lord is teaching me.

Comments and Pictures

One of the reasons I switched back to blogger, other than there are no word limits on journal entries is so that people can comment.

I would love for this blog to be interactive. If you have a question, comment, or just want to say hi...then just click on comments and leave a message. You don't have to sign up for anything to comment on my blog. It should hopefully be a fairly painless process. Comments keep me encouraged. I will still post even if you don't comment. However, there are times where it seems like I am just writing out to this blank void.

If you comment, then it just helps me feel like I am actually writing TO someone. 

On a side note, I am still having problems trying to upload pictures into by blog! That is the main reason I was trying to find a new site to blog through. I know blogs with pictures are more interesting to read and visit.  My troubles posting pictures and the fact that I cannot post pictures with Littles in them are making it harder for me to share pictures with you. However, if you look in my sidebar I have a link where you can click to see my pictures in Picasa. I also have uploaded some slideshows into my sidebar. I am doing my best. 

Last but not least. Thanks for your support. Even if you don't comment, I do have a site meter so I can at least know if people are reading. I am not always the best on commenting on other people's blogs as well, so please don't feel bad if you don't comment. Just know that it blesses me and helps me fell connected to you. Communication while in LeadTime is limited so my blog is the best way for me to keep up with you.

I love you all.