Let's start with the praises. Praise God that He is the miracle worker. That He is infinitely huger than everything. Praise the Lord for community, even when it is hard. Praise God for the lessons He teaches us. Praise God for friends who send me e-mails and notes of encouragement. Praise the Lord for good conversations. One of our Littles celebrated her 16th birthday yesterday. She tends to think real negatively about herself. Yesterday, she felt loved. You could tell she had a really good birthday. Praise the Lord for orchestrating the events and interactions of the day to express Love to her. Praise God for the hard conversations that sometimes have to be had.
Now for a quick update: In our house, when things are calm, it generally means girls are not dealing wtih stuff. It's been relatively calm lately. A few things have come up but not much. Well, the flood gates have let loose and a lot of things are coming. In this case, it started on Sunday evening when two girls and two boys where caught breaking rules on a time-out (time-outs are a privilege not a punishment). I won't go into all the details, because while it might be easy to spout out some of the ways girls are reacting, I don't know that you really need to know and I really don't want sharing prayer requests to become a gossip thing. Anyhow, that event happens to be the one God used to bring up things the girls need to grow in. Despite the girls emotions, I have been extremely encouraged by the way we Bigs are handling it. Despite the "craziness" there is a calm. That is the Lord. Praise Him for His work in all of our lives.
Before we did room changes, the relationship between me and one of my Littles, we will call her Grace, became strained. I am not sure what happened. I have tried to talk with her about it, but just said that things were fine. So I have let her be. Anyhow, being one of my Littles, the Lord has placed in my heart a huge love for Grace. It's been hard having our relationship off. Since room changes, she has grown more distant and I do my best to have minimal interaction with her, just to respect her desire to have space from me. Anyhow, she is currently dealing with a lot of stuff. She is now to the point where she refuses to have interaction with me and is just extremely disrespectful to me and is treating me bad. While I now she is dealing with stuff and I am one of the people she is taking it out one, it is hard. It's not fun.
And a personal quick update: I have had some pretty hard cries these past two days. Yesterday, started with me needing to leave one of our morning meetings early because I was hurt by words that were said. From that point, I literally cried until about 4:00 off and on. I never went much more than an hour before tears would just start running down my face and at others times it would be full out sobs. Then this morning, I had another interaction with Grace. I sobbed for a time. My heart is broken for Grace. This morning just got to the point where tears/sobbing is how I released it. This place makes you cry. I have cried so much here. I have often prayed that the Lord would help me to cry more. I got it! He's teaching me to cry this year, or allowing me to.
I had a lot of time to journal and pray about why I was so upset. I have just had lots of interactions with Littles where they are really disrespectful and hurtful. I value relationship so much, and I am just going through a spurt where I feel like they are denying me that by not really wanting anything to do with me. The day before my "cry day", it felt like I didn't have a single good interaction. After spending a lot of time with the Lord yesterday journaling and really being ministered to through the song I Am Nothing by Jeremy camp--I went into coverage not very optimistic but dependent upon the Holy Spirit to give me wisdom in my interactions. There are two prayers of my heart the Lord has given me for this year. This first is that I would have eyes to see the spiritual battle what is waging war around and that I would be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Going into yesterday, I was really going into it with that focus. Yesterday evening wasn't the best coverage night. I ended up getting cussed out, I had another girl upset with me about another interaction from the day before, and other stuff. However, also, I had really good conversations with both of the girls in my room, with Emily (a Big), I got an opportunity to just listen to another Little vent her frustrations as she hit the punching bag. After a bigger event, the one in which I got cussed out, I got an opportunity to pray with Emily (Grace's current Big Sister) on the porch for Grace, and several other blessings in the middle of it all. The Lord is so gracious.
Now for the prayer part: If you think of us. We wold appreciate your prayers as we walk beside the girls in this. Below I will list a few things you can more specifically pray for.
- Pray that I would have eyes to see the spiritual battle waging war.
- Pray that I would be quick to listen, slow the speak, and slow to anger.
- Pray for Grace. Pray that she would know Truth. Pray that the Lord would comfort her heart. Pray that the Lord would use the events of this past week to be her "turning point" here.
- Pray for my relationships with Bigs. Overall, I feel they are solid, but we have three new female Bigs and I am still learning how to read, love, and support them and build relationship with them.
- Pray that I would be humble. Pray that my words would be life-giving. Pray that the Lord would give me wisdom in all of my interactions.
- Pray as the Spirit leads!
Oh yeah, I have had a really good day. Despite this hard time, I am doing well. It's weird as I have had some pretty crappy days. However, it in all I have really felt loved as well by my fellow Bigs, but the Littles, and the staff here. This morning the Littles could tell I was having a hard morning (my face was red from crying and tears were falling down my face) and most of them of came and gave me a hug. A huge blessing from the Lord.
I love you guys and value your love, prayers, and support SO MUCH!
Amazed by God,
Amber
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