We all have our issues. I can wish away certain things that have a tendency to repeatedly come up in my life and seem to affect my relationship with God and others....or I can accept those things the Lord has placed in my life and learn to glorify Him through them.
Personally, I have found the later to be the most productive.
Before LeadTime, I think I really struggled with some of the weaknesses or "pitfalls" that come along with my strong personality. I would question the Lord and ask Him why He would make me this way? Why couldn't He have just made me different? What I have come to realize this year, is that if I didn't have this particular issue, I would just have another. We all have things we struggle with.
As I write this, I keep thinking of 2 Corinthians 12 where Paul is talking about the thorn in his flesh--his lifelong weakness/struggle. He says,
"Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake for when I am weak, then I am strong."
God didn't make a mistake when He made me. This past year is the first time in my life where I have not questioned the Lord and asked Him why He made me the way He did. I did not question if He knew what He was doing when He made me. And I did not question if it was good.
It isn't because there wasn't an opportunity to question the Lord. This year, some hard conversations happened. I had several very hard relationships. There were circumstances, conversations, and people's reactions to me that where hard to deal with at times.
After these times, instead of questioning His intentions, I held on to His promises and Truth. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He has created me to do good works which He prepared beforehand for me to do. He created me and said it was very good. He named me Amber Sue--Beautiful, Cherished one.
During these times He continually took me to Micah 6:8, "He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you, but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"
It is my job to do justice, love kindness, and to walk humbly before the Lord. I am to do these three things and leave to rest to Him--namely people's reactions. If I am walking humbly before Him in obedience then I do not need to question the Lord and what He is doing. Even when the circumstance around me, the feelings inside of me, and people's reactions to me don't seem good.
The Lord delights in me ALWAYS. This one sort of goes in conjunction with the above one. In my heart, I understand what I call the Ragamuffin Gospel love the Lord has me. For the first time in my life, I can understand beyond head knowledge, how the Lord can love me, and delight in me, even with all of my sin and junk that is in my life. I always knew this truth before in my head, I just didn't experience it. I KNOW His love in new ways and there is such freedom in it.
The longer I live on this planet, the more I realize how closely related Love and Obedience are. I don't really know that there is a whole lot to add to this. It's just a truth Lord is continually revealing to me at different levels.
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