Still Growing

The Lord has had me on a journey for some time in learning to trust in Him as my provider in the area of finances. As a middle school/high school student I used to worry about finances a lot.

In college, after 3 semesters, the Lord really pressed it on my heart that if He wanted me to go to DBU, He would also provide the finances. Though I had a scholarship, and tuition reimbursement from UPS, it still didn't cover all of my schooling/living expenses. I trusted the Lord in this an quit taking out loans to cover tuition.

The Lord then saw fit to send my car into the shop every month for the next 13 months. Talk about trust in His provision. He was definitely stretching and growing me during this time. It was amazing how He provided.

I will never forget His first "big" directing of money in my direction. The tuition for my Fall semester was due. I needed $2000. Someone randomly gave me $1,000 anonymously through the church I attended in high school. I have no idea who the person was. But it was completely the Lord working on this person's heart to give to me and to give through my church. You see, DBU had a church-match scholarship. So if a church gives you money, DBU would match. Upon receiving the check, I contacted my old pastor and asked if I could get a check written out to DBU instead of me. He said that was not a problem. That is how the Lord provided the $2,000 that I needed.

This was the first time I have ever had someone give me $1,000. I was humbled and honored that someone would do this. This was like something you read about in books or hear that happens to other people, but not something I ever thought would happen to me.

Then a few months later, I was once again in the position of needing about $1,000. Despite the Lord's provision just months before, and as crazy as it may seem, I was worried and not sure how it was going to happen. I mean, after all, the Lord had just shifted $2,000 my direction a few months before. Obviously, I was still thinking in terms of human terms because to me $2,000 was an amazing sum to money, but to God $2,000 is pocket change. Anyhow, I wasn't really thinking He would just shift that much money my direction yet again so close to His last provision.

Anyhow, I got a really big tax return right about that time ($800 to $900). Then He provided the other few hundred in some other way that I cannot remember right now. Through this the Lord continued to show me that He has me covered. He is my provider. I need not worry.

Then He moves me to South Korea in 3 suitcases. By the end of my time in Korea, I had a huge furnished apartment with more than just the bare essentials. Yes, we furnished our apartment with "roadkill" (furniture left on the side of the road) or stuff people had given us--but it was all His provision. Through my time in Korea He gave me good perspective of possessions and what is really "mine", which is nothing.

Sometimes He provides by shifting money my direction, other times He just provides the need. I will never forget, one year in Korea I was really wanting a toaster. I know it seems like a small thing, but I enjoy toasted bagels and wanted one. So I presented my want to the Lord. I could have bought a toaster at E-mart, but I didn't have the money at the time. The the Lord did not provide a toaster, but He provided a roommate who knew how to toast using a skillet. How awesome of the Lord to provide in this manner. I sometimes forget that there use to not be all these modern contraptions like toasters! If you ever have a chance, toast your bagel on a skillet--do it! It has really good flavor and doesn't take that long.

Then last year, the Lord grew me further in trusting Him as my provider by having me live off of support last year. Before, He provided primarily from the paycheck earned at my job. Last year, He provided from the generous gifts of others to me. It taught me to me more okay just accepting things from other (the Lord started working on this in Korea, but definitely grew me a lot in this area last year).

And then the Lord sent me to Georgia and left me randomly/minimally employed for 4 months. For most of this time, I have not worried about finances and have just trusted Him to provide and He has. It hasn't been too hard because of my history with Lord of His faithful provision.

Then Christmas happened. I didn't tutor for several weeks, meaning the little income I did have coming in stopped. Also, there haven't been any random babysitting jobs since Christmas. So not really any money coming in, but bills still being there. I even tried to sell a camera online that I had and was not using. Yeah, I got scammed. I don't have the camera, but neither do I have the money for the camera. I actually lost money since I paid to ship the camera to the people. Then last Wednesday I had to get 4 new tires for my car. Not my best day. I was basically crying in Discount Tire as I was putting the tires on my credit card--not my best moment. I cried later that evening when a friend asked me how my day was. Obviously, not doing a great job in trusting the Lord's provision at this point.

Yeah, I am still growing in my trust in the Lord in the area of provision.

I spent some time with the Lord on Thursday processing this. The Lord basically was, "Are you going to trust Me, even when you cannot see or? Will you trust Me even if I don't provide employment for another 8 months?" Though it wasn't a fun week last week it was good. I am trusting the Lord and at peace.

At this time I didn't have a job or know that I would have a job. And honestly getting a job doesn't "fix" everything immediately, it just seems more hopeful. But weather the job makes is seem more hopeful or not, it doesn't change the reality that God will provide. Weather that be through employment, through someone's generosity, through an odd job. The Lord has it covered.