The Gospel

The Lord has really been stirring my heart, the power of the Gospel and challenging me in my belief about what the Lord is truly capable of accomplishing in a person's life. I attend Bayou City Fellowship every Sunday that I can. EVERY single time I am able to go, the Lord uses the pastor and worship team to stir in my heart and reinforce the power of Jesus. Every week the gospel is presented at some point and almost guaranteed I can count on being challenged to share the good news with someone, if not at least 3 people that week.

My job is my current outlet for sharing the gospel. For my job, I am parenting elementary girls from a number of backgrounds. I am only 9 months into parenting. I did not get to start with them as babies, but got them 8-10 years into their life and I have minimal knowledge about their life before Boys and Girls Country.

I have one girl in particular that challenges me. She struggles to forgive herself. She is deeply hurting and as a result, "bleeds onto others" and it is not pretty, nor is it easy to deal with. She can become very verbal and physical when upset and you never know what will upset her. In all of this, it is really easy to bogged down with behavior and not to see that the behavior is simply on outward expression of an inward struggle.

She is lost. She is drowning in a sea of unforgiveness. She is clutching onto her anger as she is erecting walls high and deep to cut herself off from those who love and care for her. She is wounded and goes into "fight and flee" mode when it seems like someone is getting through her defenses.

Only the Lord can set her free.

I know this in my head, but do I act on it? Do I share with her the gospel--the good news that she can be free from her bondage and forgiven her sins? No. I deal with her behavior and get frustrated when she just seems to be escalating in aggressiveness. I get frustrated when her issues do not miraculously disappear.

This past Sunday morning started with this girl making poor choices and the other girls setting the alarm off to report what is going on. We come from our personal quarters, turn the alarm off, and deal with the girl. We end up calling the Sherriff. I barely have time to change from my pajamas before the deputies arrive. When they leave, I look at the clock and dash out the door to church at Bayou City.

I get to church and the Lord provides encouragement by placing a woman of God who understands my job situation and who is able to offer encouragement. I go to the service and it is all about the Good News. It is about the power of Christ and what His death has accomplished. As is usual on a Sunday morning, we are challenged to share the Good News with the lost and dying world. To share with them the way to freedom from the bondage of sin. This entire time, the Lord is stirring in me a heart to share the gospel with this one girl who is lost and dying in her sin.

By the end of church, I am determined to go home and share the gospel with her that day.

Do I do it? No, however, I start praying the Lord will provide an opportunity.

Be careful what you pray for!

It is now a few days later and once again this girl is struggling to make good choices. As she is struggling, she is getting physical and nothing seems to be able to calm her down for more than a few minutes. Several hours into this, I finally very directly start questioning her about her heart issues. This opens a door to share the gospel with her. The breakthrough in her calming down is not when I dealt with her behavior, but when I addressed the spiritual issue.  Once she was calm and after talking about Christ's power, I was then able to encourage her with a song the Lord had given me for this girl. After all that, we were able to deal with the behavior in a way that was constructive.

This girl still has a way to go before she releases her anger, forgives herself, and opens her heart to love the Lord is lavishing upon her. Do I believe He can work on her heart sooner than later? Absolutely. Do I believe He has the power to free her from her bondage? Absolutely. Do I believe He can accomplish it instantaneously if He chooses? Absolutely.

If you think of it, pray for this girl. She is not closed to God, however, she is not able to embrace Him as she feels she does not deserve His love or anyone else's. She is trying to earn it. Tonight she prayed and asked the Lord to help her in her unbelief--to help her believe she is worthy of His love and His forgiveness.

Who in your life is screaming out for the transforming work of Christ?
Do you only see their outward behaviors or do you see their cry for God?
Are you willing to share the good news of the transforming work of Christ with them?

Delight

I live in house with a married couple (Daniel and Kelly) who have a 7 month baby (Reagan), myself, and 7 elementary girls.

One day, we are meeting in our living room with our program manager (one of the perks of my job is that meetings happen in living rooms). During this meeting, Daniel is on the floor with Reagan who is playing on a blanket. He is just laying next to her, delighting in Reagan--smiling at her, playing with her, encouraging her to roll over, tickling her belly, just loving on her.

It was such a picture of what our Abba Daddy does for us. He delights in us.

It also reminded me to make sure I am delighting in the people the Lord has placed in my life. Do I just sit and enjoy the friends the Lord has placed in my life? Do I delight in my girls?

I know that my girls eat it up when we notice them. Their faces beam with pleasure as we brag on them and a happy gleam enters their eyes.

So this past Change of Shift meeting in my living room, reminded me that my Abba Daddy delights in me and it challenged me to delight in those the Lord has placed in my life.

Go. Enjoy your week. Delight in Him and His people.

Relationships

I feel like I have had an epiphany over the past week or so. I may be a little slow, because it seems so obvious now.

However, if you asked me which area in my life needed the most growth, I would quickly say, "My relationships."

I have always felt that relationships are not my strength. I look at other people and see that they do relationship well and that I could improve. I will also admit that I have come a LONG way in my overall ability to maintain and even just participate in a good friendship. Despite that, I still feel like it is an area where I could grow a lot more.

I have tons of relationships in my life that are simply amazing. I also have some that are hard.

None of this is the epiphany--just some background into my thinking about relationships as related to myself.

My epiphany has two parts:
1) I have a job that is ALL about relationship.
2) I am better at relationships that I think and this is an area where I have probably allowed Satan to tell me lies.

Processing this epiphany further...

If Satan can get me thinking that relationships are hard for me and that other people are better at relationship than me, he takes away some of my effectiveness relationally. The Lord has called me to a job that requires I be able to be good a relationship.

Technically, I could care for my girls and provide for their basic needs. However, if I do not have relationship with them, then there are a lot of opportunities to speak Truth, share Love, and offer Life that are missed because I believe someone else can do those things better. I do not do those things because I am waiting for someone who will do it better to do it. I have this mindset, rather than the mindset that Christ has prepared me for such a time as this and He has placed me in their life for a reason. I lose sight of the reality that the Lord has placed things in me to share with my girls that He desires for ME not someone else to share with them.

This exact same thing translates into my non-work related relationships as well. Those who know me well, know how much my I have struggled with relationship since my 6th grade year.

As I contemplate how Satan works, it would make sense that he would attack my perception of my ability to be relational. Satan loves to attack where he sees where God can work through someone. The Lord has called me to love the broken-hearted and the hurting. It is a task that requires relationship. God has purposed this for me. Satan, seeing that I am seeking the Lord and desire to bring Him to the broken hearted and hurting, is going to do whatever he can to see that this does not happen. In my case, Satan causes me to look at relationship through the tinted lens of failure. He tries to get me to believe that I suck at it and that ALL these other people do it better. If I believe this, then I will hold myself back as I "allow" someone who is better than me speak into a person's life.

Relationships are something that I do not believe I will ever stop growing in. There will always be a way to grow relational with people. However, I have been looking at my relationships and ability to be relational through a tinted lens. I need to look at my relationships through HIS lens.

Anyhow, this is what I am currently processing with the Lord. It may not seem like a big deal. However, I feel like this is going to be fairly pivotal in taking back ground that I have been allowing Satan to have.

Debt Free!

I am officially debt free! No more college loans. I have paid back any money borrowed during lower times of employment. The LORD is faithful and I am thankful for His provision.

All in All

Over the past few weeks I have often been signing over and over again, "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to You." I sing this when my brain is going crazy re-playing interactions with people, or when I am struggling to believe the best about someone.

So...knowing that...and that I have been singing this song...ALOT...and as I struggled with not knowing if anyone believed I was doing an okay job at parenting...any parents ever have those moments?...as I have had to trust the Lord with other people's thoughts about me...as I have wrestled with if I was being stubborn for Him...or if I was just being selfishly stubborn...

Imagine how amazing it felt when the Lord was so good to me and filled my love tank by speaking to me in one of my primary love languages, words of affirmation--and not just from one source, but a number of different sources.

He is my All in All. He knows exactly what I need to keep me going.

The longer I am single and as long as the Lord keeps me mobile and/or my relationships transitional....the more He truly is my All in All.

He is my husband. He is my defender. He takes care of me. He cares about my day when no one else does. He is there when I am crying my heart out to Him. He encourages me. He rejoices in the truth. He delights in me. He sustains me. He is the only person who satisfies my soul in my lonely moments. He is my provider. He gives me adventure. He allows me do projects. He tells me when I am messing up. He gives purpose to my day. He swings with me. He is always there.

Every time, for the past 3 years in particular, when my soul has craved for a close friend--for a Kara, or a Laura Beth, or JAK, or a Becca, or a Char, or a Chelsie/Lindsey/Amber triad, or a sister...All these times, there has been a very distinct need I felt that one of those people could have fulfilled if I had them in my daily life.

Yet EVERY TIME...it has really boiled down to a longing in my soul to connect intimately with the Love of my Heart. To connect with my Creator. To connect with the only person who can truly satisfy any longing of my soul.

Today, as the Lord has just encouraged my discouraged soul,  my soul has swelled with a love for Him and a desire to share with you how amazing He is.

Letting Go

Tonight I am struggling to let go, and let God.

I have found that lately I have not done a great job of taking my thoughts captive. I find myself wasting time running conversations and scenarios and interactions over and over in my head. What I need to be doing in these moments is turning these situations over to the Lord and then resting in Him.

NOTHING good comes from my playing these things out in my head.

So that is where I am tonight. The prayer of my heart is that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart would be pleasing to Him.

Continually a work in progress...

30 years

I have recently turned 30. If I had had my way, I would be married and have a few kids of my own by now.

I never would have guessed or even known to think that I would have lived in Korea for 3 years, that it would take living in a house with around 15 teens and 9 adults all working on their issues to finally get how the Lord can love me, that the Lord would send me to Georgia to rest and leave me minimally employed creating a unique opportunity to build relationships with a body of believers that were really able to minister to m soul, and that I would parenting 8 girls in a children's home.

Praise the Lord, that His ways are not our ways.

Though my life looks much different than I had wanted, I am grateful for each and ever season He has given me so far. I do still hope He has a husband in my future--but if He does not, I trust Him in it.

All of these seasons have had some rough moments. All have had lonely moments. All have had difficult things I have had to deal with. All have had amazing friendships. All have taught me a specific trait of the Lord. All have contained joy.

Lord, may I continue to enjoy each season that you give me and to enjoy it for all that it is. Thank you for these 30 years that You have given me.

Hope

Hope has been the topic of contemplation for the past month or so.

As a floater (someone who fills in where ever there is a need) at BGC, I get to attend the church that the cottage I am working in that Sunday is attending when I am working, and I attend Bayou City Fellowship when I am not working.

So far I have been to Bayou City Fellowship, a Presbyterian Church, Farfield Baptist, Community of Faith, and Salem Lutheran--a nice variety. Anyhow, not at all these places, but at several, the topic has been hope. Though it may feel random where I get to gather with believers on Sunday, it is not random to the Lord and He is communicating a message through them all--where do I place my hope?

The easy answer is, "I place my hope in the Lord."

The more complicated part is the answer to this question, "What does that mean/look like?"

As I have listened to a number of messages now on this topic, and even participated in a youth group discussion of this...I am realizing that different believers hope in the Lord looks different. For example, one believer finds hope in Jesus' conquering death. It brings them hope, because if He can conquer death, then He can conquer whatever it is they are facing. Another believer, their hope was based on all the work of the cross. I forget the focus but it was a lot about the cross. These are not "wrong" hopes, but it just made me realize that different people find hope in different aspects of the Lord.

As I am hearing how others find hope in Christ, I find myself thinking, "That isn't what gives me hope?"  I knew which aspect of God it is that gives me hope, however, hearing various discussions on the topic has given me the opportunity to meditate on hope.

In my meditations, one of the things I have tried to do is just define the word itself. As I don't know that I ever came up with an official definition, I decided to consult dictionary.com. This is what they had to say...

hope:  noun 1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turnout for the best
                   2. a particular instance of this feeling
                   3. grounds for this feeling in a particular instance
                   4. a person or thing in which expectations are centered
                   5. something that is hoped for
            verb 6. to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
                   7. to believe, desire, trust

Definitions 4 and 6 really help me as I will attempt to describe how the Lord gives me hope.

The "a person or thing in which expectations are centered". This  resonates with my soul. My hope is in the person of God (all three aspects of Him). He is the person in which all expectations are centered. When I place hope in Him, I am taking my expectations and allowing Him to be the center of them and what defines them. If I looked to the people, or things, or circumstances of the world to do this...I would be hopeless and wonder, "Why continue?" However, when He is who expectations are centered in, I am able to deal with the present.

When I hope (verb) in Christ, I am looking forward with desire to eternity with reasonable confidence. Knowing that this world is not ALL there is to life--gives me great hope. This is but preparation ground for what is coming. It gives purpose to all that I do. I am preparing for eternity and perfect communion with God. This is my hope. I am one of those weird people, that while I do no have a death wish, I have a longing for eternity. If the Lord took me tomorrow, I would not be sad. The verses that talk about being an alien in this world--that is me. I have not felt completely at home in any of the physical places I have lived. I feel most at "home" when I am in good communion with Him and that just increases my desire and hope for the day when I will see Him face to face.

My hope is in the character of God. My hope in Him is in eternity.

Boys and Girls Country of Houston

As mentioned in my last post.... I am now a teaching parent at Boys and Girls Country (BGC). I am about to reach my two month anniversary here and so far love it. This job is a really good fit for me. Some would say I am in the honeymoon face and I still like everyone. Perhaps this is true. However, I know the Lord has brought me here and I look forward to the next few years here as I get to invest in this community.

I figured I would take a moment to tell you a little about BGC. Lots of people have asked questions. Hopefully this post answers some, if not most, of those questions. Apologies in advance for the length.

First a video.

Boys and Girls Country provides a Christian home – a place to live for a few years, or a place to grow up – for 48 boys and 40 girls, ages 5 to 18, a total of 88 children at any one time.  Children are not candidates for adoption, though many sibling groups get the chance to grow up together at our Home.  Children typically are able to attend public school and can function in a family environment.  

Boys and Girls Country helps families (mothers, fathers, grandparents, guardians) who realize they need help in raising their children. Families are often in conflict; they face issues ranging from alcohol or drug abuse, violence, serious illness, abuse, incarceration, abandonment, or the death of a family member. They need help, but their children are not in the custody of the state, and they do not have money for places that require expensive fees or tuition. 

The family situation requires time apart for the child and family member in order for the child to be safe, to get the most from school, and to grow up. Children often grow in their love and appreciation for family members while they live at Boys and Girls Country, and family members learn how to better love and care for their children.

Boys and Girls Country focuses on education; most students are two to three years behind their peers in school.  We are also committed to long term success for our graduates, so that they will be both ‘self supporting and contributing’ to their community as an adult. Therefore, we do request long-term placement for children and teens. Historically, some children return to a family member after two or three years, but many make the choice to remain, graduate from high school, and enter the College and Career program.

Whatever the reason children come, we are committed to fulfilling our ministry of providing a Christian home. No child is turned away because of race, sex, religion, national origin, or because their family does not have money to pay for care.

Our Mission:  To change the lives of children from families in crisis by loving and nurturing them in a Christian environment, raising them to become self-sustaining and contributing adults.

Our Vision: That every child has a place to grow up and a sense of being home.

A Little History....Boys and Girls Country was established in 1971 as a 501 (c)(3) not-for-profit charitable Home. Our children are primarily from the greater Houston area. We are located 35 miles northwest of Houston. Boys and Girls Country has capacity to serve 48 boys and 40 girls, ages 5-18, a total of 88 children at any one time. Not included in this number are 85 others each year who are still a part of our Home after they have graduated from high school and gone on to college, trade school, the military, or first jobs. We have been home for over 1,300 children during our history. 

Boys and Girls Country provides a warm, loving, family-like Christian atmosphere where children have the opportunity to grow up safe and secure and develop to their full potential. Residents live on campus in cottages with trained houseparents and attend public school. They also participate in outside activities, such as church, band, sports, summer camps, etc.

Boys and Girls Country does not rely on federal or state grants for ongoing support and is not a United Way member agency. We look to caring individuals, businesses, civic groups, churches, and foundations in the community for annual funding and volunteer support. We are committed to serve children who need our Home. No child is turned away because their family does not have money to pay for them.

There are more questions that I have not yet answered....I will take the time to answer them all now, however, I will address one. The rest I will save for another post! I am often asked if I have been assigned a cottage. The answer is no. Right now, I work where ever there is a need. I do not live in a cottage with kids, but in Staff House (a house I share with 3 other singles). I will share more about this in another post. However, I believe that is plenty for now!

Moving

My car is loaded down with most of my earthly goods and in the morning I will get in my car and me and the Lord are moving to Houston. He is already there, as He is everywhere...but you get the point.

It what has seemed like a whirlwind of provision from the Lord--I am now employed at Boys and Girls Country (BGC) as a teaching parent. I start on Monday.

I am excited about this opportunity. I had been asking the Lord to give me a "home" and an outlet to invest my gifts, time, and energy for Him in my singleness. I have also been waiting for the Lord to open doors in a job like this for a few years now. Also, they ask for a 3 year commitment. I am ready to be in a place for at least 3 years; yet, another thing I have been asking the Lord for.

I start 3 weeks training on Monday, April 9! I have a subdued excitement about this move. There are so many things the Lord is providing through this job; however, I have done a similar job before and know that these first 2-6 months will be hard. I could become intimidated by what I might face, but I must rest in Him and that He has prepared for what lies ahead and most importantly has given me a heart for it.

I thought about sending out letters for prayer support for these first few months. However, instead, I just ask that if the Lord places it on your heart to pray for me, that you would do that. I would love to send you an e-mail with a little more information if you are interested in praying for me.

Well, that is the quick update on myself. After taking a needed sabbatical from blogging, I am planning to pick it up again. If you want to hear more about the adventures the Lord takes me on...then come back for more.

Bad Ass for Him

I will not even attempt to catch you up on the happenings of Amber since it has been so long since I have blogged. I will just start with sharing what the Lord is currently doing.

I am living in Bulverde, Texas with my parents. I moved back to Texas in August of last year (2011) to help the parentals and to be near family. All 5 Divers now reside in Texas! But this is a bunny trail...

One of the major themes in my life over the last few years has been the Lord's faithfulness. He is constantly showing Himself faithful through all things. In addition to this, the Lord has really been after me to ask Him for the desires of my heart with the faith that He actually wants to give them to me.

I must admit, I really had to do some soul searching to even identify what these were. I had to bring lots of desires before Him and let Him help me narrow it down and figure it out what it was I really desired.

Two of my heart's desires are (there a a few more):

#1--As much as I would love to be married, more than that, I just want to be a part of a functioning family--my own or a "put-together" one.

#2--My time being single is a gift. If I am going to be single, I want to be a BAD ASS single for Him. (Is there a better way to convey what I am talking about? It's how my sister talks about it and since she said it, I admit I struggle to figure another way to word it). I have been asking the Lord to show mw where to invest the time and energy I have due to my singleness.

So I have been asking the Lord to give me a "home" to run and an outlet to use singleness for Him.

All this to say, I have really been pressing into Him and asking for my heart's desires with faith (and sometimes without). It has been fun to Him work. In a little over a month, He has relieved me of a job I didn't love, prospered my tutoring business, and I see Him at work in me in positive ways. I tend to be of the mentality--"Bring on the hard stuff Lord so that I can grow". Right now, it is hard to have the faith that He wants to give me my heart's desires, but He is growing me through these godo things.  It is hard to describe, but there is a joy in watching Him work.

So I continue to press into Him in faith and to do my best to live bad ass, all out, for Him in this season He has me in and in the new season He is taking me into.

The Lord often speaks to me through songs. My current song is Come Away by Jesus Culture. It goes something like this...

I have a plan for you.

I have a plan for you.

It's going to be wild.

It's going to be grand.

It's going to be full of Him.

Open up your heart and let Me in.

How true this is! The Lord has a good plans for me. It's wild. It's grand. And it's full of Him.

Do you believe He has a GOOD plan for you? Do you want it? Are you willing to open your heart to Him and allow Him in.

The rest of the lyrics to the song are:

Come away with Me. Come away with Me.

It's never too late.

It's not too late.

It's not too late for you.

The Lord is waiting for you. Always. His plans for you are good. Always.